Horrorscopes
Aquarius: Chickens and the color red influence behavior
Pisces: New dress or hair piece brightens family outing
Aries: Large object stunts growth
Taurus: Think in three's. It's now or never
Gemini: Go for that appendage extension
Cancer: You have been lied to and abused. Drink with pride.
Leo: When the smoke clears, your the only one smoking
Virgo: Send money to the New Electric World Commentary
Libra: Generate your own power by chewing foil balls
Scorpio: Your are cartoon line and unstable. Stop it this instant !
Sagittarius: Fleshly pleasure leaves tea-colored stain on valuables
Capricorn: Keep your Merkin under wraps to save face
