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the New Electric World Commentary
Beverage Guide #3 - South American Style !

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Searching the world for the finest in drinkable beverages, Chamberlain is proud to recommend the following products that will tantalize your pallete and delight your company

Product: Mi Senora (My Lady)
Winery: Meridional Pelo (Southern Hair)
Origin: Caracas
Description: Cranberry, Raisins and Ojai Cactus are fermented in bean barrels for ten months to yield a cream colored libation. Sickly sweetbut remarkable as a laxative - works every time.
 
Product: Profundo Trago (Deep Swallow)
Winery: Partido de la Boca (Mouth Party)
Origin: Montevideo
Description: Semi gelatenous concoction derived from mim seeds and devil root. Carbonated, flavored to taste like pine nuts. For the discriminating palette only.
 
Product: Vieja Falsificacion (Old Fake)
Winery: Hueco Pierna (Hollow Leg)
Origin: Lima
Description: This odd yellow beverage possesses electrical properties that invigorate the colon while lengthening the hair. Tastes of sea brine, with a hint of callow bean.
 
Product: Doble Feo (Double Ugly)
Winery: Cambiante Bigote (Moody Mustache)
Origin: Leticia
Description: Minnow, baleen and cola flavors blend together and provide a militant experience for the mouth. Double Ugly is semi-awful with shunky bits of spirit present in each sip.
 
Product: Potro de Yokey (Yoke Pony)
Winery: Tubo del Sabor (Flavor Pipe)
Origin: Apartado
Description: Consistency is the theme in this beverage, tasting of bush berries and yoke marrow, the finish is salubrious, as that of raw egg.
 
Product: La Bell de Cristo (Bell of Christ)
Winery: Casa de Hombres (House of Men)
Origin: Guapi
Description: This manure-scented beverage invokes the peaceful rining of bells in the ears. registered as a weapon in the thirties, take in small quantities.
 
Product: Verdadera Posicion en Cuclillas (True Squat)
Winery: Dulces Labios (Sweet Lips)
Origin: Mayaguez
Description: True Squat is a mixture of kitchen juice and Slurn. Strain through a cheesecloth to remove impurities. Tastes like hyman and rose petals.
 
Product: Espuma del Mar (Sea Foam)
Winery: Gorda Esperanza (Fat Hope)
Origin: St. Lucia
Description: Methane flavors mix well with a sturdy dose of sea foam. This well crafted brew can be an "ass kicker" if drunk striaght from the bottle.
 
Product: Larga Carga (Long Load)
Winery: Vistago y Germen (Stem & Seed)
Origin: Rio de Janeiro
Description: Habenro pepper juice is mixed with lye and sodium sorbitol to create a super-hot beverage suitable only for the extreme palette. Can be used as a substitute for octane in a pinch.
 
Product: Jugo de la Luna (Moon Juice)
Winery: Grande de Largo Uno (Big Long One)
Origin: Los Toninas
Description: Burnt onion, pinto oil and stew root are fermented together in clay pots for years yielding a dysfunctional red beverage. Locals have dubbed this drink "agua del muerto" or water of the dead, because of its putrid taste and blood red color.